i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
