The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
