either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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