Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
