and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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