Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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