What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
