That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
