sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
