He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
