i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
