Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Randomize
