Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
