did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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