you guys were way drunker than both of me
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
