I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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