On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
