also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
