It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
