Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
