I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
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