I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize