Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
