I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
