The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
