And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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