dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
