we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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