Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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