It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
