Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
