My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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