I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
