I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize