So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
