I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
