i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
