Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
