She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
