you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
