this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
