He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
