Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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