i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
