ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
