Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
