if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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