If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
