Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
