anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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