im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
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