She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
