um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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