when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
