1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
