If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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