I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
