I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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