I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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