I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize