her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
