just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
we're so committed to being not committed
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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