I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
