I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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