I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
