PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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