People with herpes should wear stickers.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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