i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
