I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize