um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
