Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
