I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize