Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
