I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize