i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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