I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I forgot wine drunk hurts
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
