hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
