I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
