For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
