we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
